More Webmaster Musings...

---

As a female angler, I feel that I joined fly fishing at the beginning of an incredible movement in support of women anglers. Orvis started its 50/50 on the water while I was learning to fish. Seeing a woman at the club meetings was a joy. DFF had about 5 women members when I joined. Now we have over a dozen just a few years later. We would always greet and support each other at the meetings and on the water but DFF is super special because I have always felt supported as an angler. But, seeing a woman on the water was noteworthy due to its rarity. I often wondered if seeing another woman angler would become so commonplace that I would fail to note the angler's gender. Then something super cool happened today...

I was looking for the perfect gift for an angler in my life. With Christmas fast approaching, I was engaged in furious google searches for the perfect gift. If you know me at all, you know I love giving gifts. In fact, I love giving the perfect gifts. I will spend crazy amounts of time searching for, making or procuring the perfect gift for someone in my life. This day, my search for the perfect gift was a real struggle. I found something like what I was looking for but not exactly what I was looking for. Then I found exactly what I was looking for but it was not available. Then I watched about 18 YouTube videos about the topic. I had an idea but it needed some fine tuning. When I looked up about 90 minutes later, I decided to call Mad River Outfitters who had created several of the videos I watched.

I called and spoke to a highly knowledgeable worker at the shop. We talked back and forth about options, anticipated arrival dates, Christmas ordering deadlines and fly fishing in general. It was a great interaction with someone who was clearly informed and passionate about fly fishing. Needless to say, I dig their shop based upon that solitary conversation with its employee's knowledge and level of customer service.

It was only after I hung up that I realized my conversation partner was also a woman. I had initially failed to note the gender of the voice as I was so wrapped up in the conversation. She was awesome and she was not awesome because she was female. She was just plain awesome. I love that. Fly fishing passion should transcend characteristics like gender, weight, race and I believe it does with most people. This individual was a great example of just plain fly fishing awesomeness. When I started fishing, the odds of a woman calling a shop and speaking to a woman would have been pretty rare. I love that just a few years later, it feels so natural that it is barely even noteworthy. Here is to the day when I see a woman on the water and think- "Wow- there's a great angler." instead of "Wow- there is another woman angler." If this morning's phone conversation is any indication, it may be closer than we think!

Life is funny. In some ways it just repeats itself over and over until a period is finally put at the end of a sentence. The simple act of putting a final punctuation on something can lift a great weight off of one's shoulders. So many things can be left unsaid once that period is written. Life can shift to a new trajectory when the soul is unencumbered by anchors of the past. 

As a period has been put on a long, beautiful and torturous sentence in my life, I am curious to see how it impacts my memories and thoughts. So often when I am on the water, my mind goes back to times of joy and sorrow. I can find myself laughing and smiling at the past. I can also break into tears remembering broken promises and sadness. The banks of the river always seem to hold me close but never hold me back from feeling these feelings fully and deeply. There is nothing more healing than standing in the current, feeling the water wash by my legs and hands with a cleansing hope and acceptance. The ability to work through things on the water is one of the reasons I love fishing alone. I feel most alive alone in the river. I feel my feelings so clearly and experience my memories so vividly. 

I am eager to get on the water and see how this newly added punctuation will treat my memories. I wonder if I will smile more and cry less or the opposite. All I know is that when I am on the water, I get closer and closer to loving exactly where I am at in my life. I am eager to write the next sentences in my story and I am equally eager to flesh through the new and old lines of the story of my life while standing in a river...

That is the perfect word to describe how I feel when I fish- joyful. I was able to go fishing on a new waterway with a new friend who guided me to fishing success. I learned so much from him and eagerly thought of when and where I could apply what I had learned on other waters. I had a realization that this was the first time for me that I looked at a new waterway through the lens of my previous experiences on rivers. So many times over my fishing years, I would walk up to new waters and stare with a blank look at the unfamiliar water- unsure of how and where to start. 

Today, I saw the beautiful structure of the river. Runs, riffles, deep pockets and bends all beckoned to me to place my fly in them. I recognized my familiar waters in this unfamiliar river. This was huge for me... I fished with a comfort that I normally only feel on my favorite home waters. 

Now I don't assume that I can walk up to any waterway and catch fish now that I have had this realization. However, I do feel that I have the confidence now to walk up to an unfamiliar water and try to fish it. That the "deer in the headlights" look that I get when I freeze in overthinking what I should do is hopefully a thing of the past. I now see structure and familiar rhythms of the river where before I was too overwhelmed to move. 

There is only one way to see if my new-found confidence is established. I need to find some new waters and walk up to the bank. Only then will I know if I see the river and grin in anticipation or freeze like a deer in front of an oncoming car!

there is nothing like homewaters. I know I have written numerous times about this waterway. Each time I hope I convey how special it is and how it makes me feel every time I get to venture there. I write about it often because I get to go there often. In fact, I was corresponding with a dear angling friend and he shared this amazing list of places he has and is going to fish. It reads like an angler's dream. I shared with him that I am feeling as though my son is reaching an age where I am not eager to leave him for length of time. He is getting onto the teenage years and time seems to be flying. I don't want to miss a moment and I also don't want him to feel like he isn't my number one priority. As I shared this realization with my friend, I wrote that I would be completely satisfied if I could only fish this one waterway for the rest of my angling days. This place is that special to me.Today I was able to go there- to my favorite place in the entire world. It is a small, local river. Many club members will know what river I am talking about immediately. Some will not. I refuse to advertise it's name on social media. It is where I learned to fly fish rivers. It is close to my home. Most of the time I am the only one there. It has fish and I love it there. Being there feeds my soul.

Everytime I drive to this spot, my level of relaxation increases. As each landmark comes into view and the familiar bends in the road arrive in front of me and disappear behind me, I am mixed with anticipation and impending calmness. When I finally get to the river, a sense of returning home permeates my being. Stepping into the water is like breathing a sigh of relief. I find myself drawn to this place when my life is stressful as well as when it is blissful. It is like my beacon home. I never tire of being there. It fills my soul and washes me clean.

It is my hope that everyone has something in their life that serves them as this river serves me. Someplace or someone that grounds and elevates them at the same time. A place of such familiarity that they never tire of being in its presence. 

I was introduced to spey casting this last year. I took a lesson and then put my blooming skill to work on the Klamath fishing for steelhead. It just goes to show that just when you think you are gaining mastery of fly fishing, you realize that you have just scratched the surface. So, in effort to work on my spey casting skills, I took a small fiberglass spey rod out to my favorite local river to throw a few casts. I should probably mention that this river is a pretty small river. I usually fish it easily with an 8 foot 4 weight rod. However, there is a section that is wider and flat- not really an area that I would normally fish but something that would be good for practicing my cast. 

I started casting and worked on my technique. As I ironed out some problems, the length of my cast increased. I went from just casting the shooting head to feeding line until I was easily casting 20 more feet than when I began. Feeling good about my fledgling skills, I moved into an area that I knew held fish.

I began casting, marvelling at the distance I was able to cast. I was casting into areas that I had never been able to reach before. However, I wasn’t catching fish. I wasn’t even getting bumps. This was strange as this place was one of my go-to fish catching spots. I thought for sure that a longer cast would put me in places to catch fish I just couldn’t reach otherwise.

Just then, I flubbed my cast. It fell short of any cast I had done- by quite a bit. And then I felt it- a fish bumped the fly. I cast short again and felt another fish. Again and again this happened. In my effort to cast farther and force that technique into this spot on the river, I had spent all of my time fishing over the fish. While I was out there to work on a skill, I wasn’t disappointed. My spey cast was better than when I had started that day. But, it was a good reminder to myself that farther isn’t always better. Casting for distance has its place. But, often we are tempted to display our casting skills and this results in missing opportunities to catch fish that are literally right in front of us. I know for me, I learned more than how to spey cast a little better that day- I was reminded that an effective angler adapts to the river and looks close before looking far. It is funny how the river will teach us these skills if we just let it…

I am always a little jealous of my son around this time of year. Every year to celebrate his adoption day, I give him a Lego advent calendar. As the gift that keeps on giving, starting December 1st, he opens a door on the box and finds a little Lego treat every day. Sometimes a little figure. Sometimes a small item to build. The advent calendars have a theme. Some years it is the holidays. Some years it is Star Wars. He loves it and looks forward to it every year. 

My sister in law did a grown up version for my brother. She made a box with 25 spots and in each one she put a beer. He got a different beer each day for the month of December. I am sure he appreciated this as he works for UPS and the month of December is soul-crushingly intense and busy there.

I was looking for a gift for a fly fishing friend and thought that a fly fishing themed advent calendar would be a fun item. Not finding anything like it online, I tried my hand at making one. I downloaded a do-it-yourself advent calendar pattern and attached a fly behind each door. After some problem solving to keep the flies from falling or being crushed, I was pretty happy with the outcome. I ended up making a few for anglers in my life. I found it a little embarrassing that I could put together 5 advent calendars containing 25 flies each without putting a dent into my fly collection… I may have a problem!

I can hardly wait for Thanksgiving to hand them out. I hope that the recipients open a door each day with the anticipation similar to my son. I hope the flies they find under the doors get fished and catch fish for them. I can’t think of a better present this holiday season!

When I first began fishing, I used to hate the fact that I had to take put my rod together, run the line and build my rig. I equally dreaded taking apart my rod, take off the reel and put everything in its place. I envied the gear fishermen who grabbed their rods and set off to fishing so quickly and threw their short little rods into their backseat and headed off after fishing. I would look for some way to avoid this preparation ritual every time I fished. I would feed my flies through the ferrules in my rod to avoid taking them off of the line. I would try to take my rod apart without taking the line off. Veteran fly fishermen would laugh at me and tell me that I was going to break my rod because of my laziness. They were right. It wasn’t long before I snapped the tip off of my favorite rod for this very reason.

I am sure part of this was a personal worry that I wouldn’t be able to replicate my set ups with any accuracy as a newer angler. I also tie terrible knots and, to this day, I still don’t tie knots I trust fully. Getting ready to fish used to be torture to me. It was something that I rushed through in my eagerness to step into the water. 

As I got ready to fish the other day, I realized that the preparation for fishing has become a treasured ritual for me. It has shifted from a necessary torture to a calming and focusing process that helps me set my mind for my time on the water. The process of putting my rod together, setting the reel and feeding my line serve as steps in setting up my gear for success. I no longer wonder if my rig is set up correctly as I now have more trust in my ability to adjust depth style and flies on the water. Now, when I complete the ritual of preparation that is fly fishing, I am ready to fish. And when I take everything apart at the end of my fishing day, it puts the perfect seal on my experience. Everything goes in its place. As I take the flies off, I think about the choices I made during fishing. As I take the line and reel off, I think about casting and drifts. As I take my rod apart, I think about how lucky I am to get to fly fish. I jot my experience in my journal. I also start to think about when I can next go fishing.

The steps of preparation have become a valued process of focusing and decompression for me. It has shifted as I have spent time on the water and embraced the challenges and joys of fishing. I feel like a true angler in a way I didn't before. When I struggled to embrace the process, I felt like a fly fishing imposter. Now I feel like my passion and enjoyment of all things fly fishing have given me validity in the art and experience of fly fishing. Now, I relish the steps of getting ready to fly fish- every single step!

 Today I went to the spot where I first fished on my own. I mean really fished by myself. I had fished here with others and had it dialed in. The rod, the fly, the line, the spots to cast from. Where the fish were and how the current and seasons impacted the fishing on this section of the river had become a part of me. It is my favorite spot on earth. I want my body's ashes dropped in the big hole at the base of my favorite run when I depart this earth. I fell in love at this spot. I had my heart broken at this spot. I came here and healed myself at this spot. I have spent beautiful days here with family and old friends. I have made new friends here. Anytime my soul is heavy or my mind is cluttered, I can come here. The waters wash away all of life's troubles. All becomes right with my soul again.

 Having a chance to take my nephew Bowen fishing is an unanticipated highlight of being an angler. I started fishing because I was hoping for a way to connect with his older brother, Robert. Robert was at the age between teenager and adult and we would sit in awkward silence when we were together. He had 3 interests at the time- his girlfriend (now wife), cycling and fly fishing. I tried the cycling and found that I had little talent or ability to safely maneuver a bike- well, just about anywhere. I adored his now wife already. So that left fly fishing. So I took up the sport/art and immediately fell in love with every aspect of it.

Fast forward a few years and my other nephew Bowen expressed an interest in fly fishing. I had been fishing long enough that I was able to outfit him with some of the basics as he left for college in Arizona. Before he departed for school, I was able to take him fishing. I took him to one of my favorite places in the world. It is a spot of amazing beauty. I have fished here with friends. I have had long and meaningful conversations with people whom I respect and admire. I have even had my heart broken here. It is a sacred spot to me. And, did I mention, there are beautiful wild trout there? Putting Bowen on trout there was possibly the highlight of my year. 

Bowen went off to school. He studied. He explored Arizona. He fished. Then the Corona Virus happened and he came home to do distance learning for his junior year of college.

For me, that meant that I would get to show him a few more fishing spots near us. We got to go last weekend after restrictions lifted and our schedules meshed. I took him to a beautiful little spot that usually produces at least a few fish. We explored. He got some bumps but didn’t convert any of these bumps to a fish to hand. I was becoming desperate to get him a fish and the fish seemed to know it. We came to the last hole. We came to the last cast. I gave him some instruction. “Cast it in there...let it drift. You aren’t fishing yet- let it get down to the bottom. You are fishing... now.” And wouldn’t you know it, a fish hit right when I said “now”. He landed it and we snapped a picture. He was all smiles and so was I.

That moment helped me realize that Bowen wasn’t the only one who had learned over the past year. A year ago, I wouldn’t have known what to tell him to do or be able to foretell the strike like that. Sometimes in life there are moments that serve as marker to help you measure your growth and progress and that was one for both of us. It was a great day fishing with my nephew.

Now if only I could get him and his brother out there at the same time, my Auntie heart would runneth over...

I am an obsessed angler. I try to fish twice a week as often as I can. I love fishing with new and old friends. It seems that fly fishing attracts some amazing people and, since trout live in beautiful places, this combination makes for wonderful days.

The one person who I wish I could get to fall in love with fishing but hasn't so far is my son Rocky. He hates fishing. He hates it when I go fishing. As a single mom, this leaves me in a bit of a jam. So I feel like I am forever in search of some sort of balance in my life.

An example is us going camping. As I type this, I am sitting next to a beautiful tributary of the North Fork of the North Fork of the American River. It is a pristine spot with the crystal clear water flowing-right past our campground. The sounds lulls me to sleep at night and the rising fish beckon me to the water all day long. But, As you heard, Rocky hates fishing. So I have to try and find some balance while the two of us are here. We play board games, make s'mores, build epic campfires and talk. Then, when the fish are rising to the point I can't resist, Rocky times me. I get 45 minutes to step into the water and fish. He lets me know when my time is up in this reversal of "You can have some time to play" parent-child dynamic. "Aww Rocky! Can I have a few more minutes?" I ask. "Just one more fish?" "Okay", he answers. One more fish and then back up to the campsite for another round of Uno. More time with my beloved son. Another amazing day of just trying to find some balance.

Topwater fishing, whether trout or bass, is based upon reaction. The fish emerges from below, most often unseen, and takes the fly. The angler has to react in time to set the hook. The set must be at the correct angle and speed. Too soon and the angler takes the fly away from the fish. Too late and the fish is onto the ruse and knows that that tasty morsel is just a trick of feather and fur. 

As the angler, sitting and waiting for the take can be its own experience. Trying to maintain a ready status over time. Hunger, distractions and a million other things can dull the readiness and cause the angler to misreact at that moment.

Fish rarely give second chances. One miss step and the opportunity is unlikely to return. Humans can be this way too- easy to grasp at what they want in the moment and quick to turn away at the first sign of trouble. 

Both the fish and the people are good teachers of life lessons. If you get a fish to give you a second chance, you had better be ready. If you get a person to give you a second chance, don't screw it up- life rarely gives you third chances.

#onechancetoomany

#twicebitten

#outahere

Everyone has family on some level or another. At times it is family we are born to but do not choose. Other times it is family we choose but are not born into. Sometimes we are lucky and it is family we would choose that we are born into. I am incredibly fortunate that my life has many of these family members.

From my parents and sibling to my niece and nephews, I would choose each of them if I hadn't been lucky enough to be born into their family.  My beloved son, the child of my heart, couldn't be more my family- even if he had been crafted of my body instead of from my heart and soul. 

I have extended family that I hold dear too. Amazing people that have existed on the periphery of my life- providing me with roots, support and love in times of joy and times of need. Always a phone call, visit or celebration away, they add hues of love and support like a beautiful layered sunset.

The only bummer to having all of these wonderful people in my life is that I don't get to see them as much as I would love. A great example of that is my cousins, Brett and Katie. They are amazing people- fun loving, kind, hardworking and loving. We have all experienced transitions in our lives that pull us in different directions pursuing our joys and life challenges. 

You can imagine my excitement when my cousin Brett and I scheduled an evening fishing session amongst our busy lives. We set out with Captain Bryce on the Delta and the fun started instantly. Given the chance to reconnect, catch beautiful fish, be on the Delta and be cared for by our awesome guide made hanging out with family even better.

I am so lucky to have family that loves the outdoors. I am so lucky to have family I would choose. I am really lucky to share fishing with them.

#familythatfishestogether

#largemouthbass

#favoritepeoplefavoritething